Hello Again, Punto

I came home from Uni this weekend after seeing TopGear Live on Saturday with my dad. The show itself was as awesome as usual, although the ending wasn't quite as climactic as it normally is despite it being a world first (well, it was a world first the first time they did it, which was Thursday lunch time). Typically it's The Stig sliding around fighting monsters with explosions and stuff. They did come up with a new game though, which I shall post a terrible phone video of later (among others and some less terrible pictures).

At any rate, after that, I came home and have spent the weekend here. Despite it being a month since I was last here, in some ways it only feels like a few days now that I'm back, however it did feel like it had been a month since I'd driven a car - with my only wheel time in that gap being in a rain-soaked go-kart - so I decided to get reunited with the Punto. It was like meeting up with an old friend for an hour. There was some catching up to do, as it were; the pedals and steering felt weird and I discovered a mystery scratch on the left side of the front bumper, which neither my mother nor my brother are taking responsibility for. The steering initially felt light and a little bit rubbery - but then it's always felt over-assisted - and the pedals, well, I just needed to remember where the clutch bites and to calibrate my braking foot for something much more sensitive and potent than a go-kart brake, which didn't take long.

In fact, it didn't take more than about 10 or 15 minutes for me to settle back in, and then it was just great to be driving again. I picked a couple of choice roads that I hadn't used on my last blast before moving out, which included corners lined with trees or banks, that changed radius, swept over a small hill or were otherwise blind and narrow, because there's a lot of that around here if you know where to look (and I made sure to start looking as soon as I could drive!). Oddly, I had to get used to travelling that fast on a road again as I've only ever walked or occasionally taken the train since moving. Even 40mph felt a little quick the first time. But overall, the feelings involved in driving were satisfying to feel again, and it became natural, like we were communicating in harmony with eachother doing the good old thing once again. I made sure to wring its neck just a little bit once I'd got back in the swing of it! Sadly, I now have to wait again until my birthday in a month or so, and then Christmas before I can drive again, unless I go mad and hire a car after turning 21 next month.

I might have to do more go-karting in the mean time...

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Porsche 918 Spyder Production Car Leaked

Production 918 Spyder

When you can't count on an embargo breaking, you can always hope for a brochure leaking. The Porsche 918 Spyder was always going to go into production, but now we can see what the difference between concept and reality really is. Thankfully, the changes are merely in the details, and this car is in no way watered-down.

For the 918 of you lucky rich fuckers that are buying one, the base price is €768,026, which translates directly to £620,992 or $995,976 (although local taxes and such will not make those the actual prices in the UK or US). That's without the optional Weissach Package - including more carbon fibre, titanium and ceramic parts to shave a somewhat measly 35kg off the 1700kg kerbweight, as well as magnesium wheels and the removal of leather, the air conditioning, the stereo, interior door handles, centre console, armrests, glove compartment and all the carpeting, and finally removal of the wiring for the quick-charging system - which, weirdly, will set you back another €71,400 (~£57,745/~92,589). Porsche: The Masters of Charging More For Less.

UPDATE (26/10): US pricing can be found here.

But what do you get for your big pile of money? Well, the production car (pictured above) is pretty much the same as the concept car, with the only exterior changes being mirrors instead of cameras - will they ever actually make it to a production car? - and the side-exit exhausts being moved to a slightly unusual position, behind the tiny rear windows. This saves weight with short pipes, and ensures that this hybrid is no silent disappointment. And it is still a hybrid; along with a 4.6-litre Direct-Injection V8 making 580bhp and 370lb/ft, there are two electric motors, one on each axle. Their 116 and 129bhp (front and rear respectively) combine for a maximum total output of 795bhp and a meatier 575lb/ft of torque, the latter of which is available between 1000-4000rpm. The motors are fed by a 6.8kWh Li-Ion battery pack and a 3.6kW onboard charging system (although an external 'universal' charger will do the bulk of the battery charging).

I couldn't possibly tell you how that all works together, but there's going to be Electric Torque-Vectoring tying them all together for massive grip and All-Wheel-Drive below 146mph (235km/h) - I guess the electric motors run out of puff shortly after that speed - as well as Stop/Start and a "Sailing" fuel economy mode that presumably lets the motors do the work when the engine isn't really trying. When the engine is trying, it's sending power to the rear wheels via Porsche's 7-speed PDK transmission, and works together with the rear motor. Somehow. All this and we haven't even got to the stunning looks, ultra-modern interior or the fact that this hybrid system will be capable of fuel economy figures which put a Toyota Prius to shame. Although, they haven't actually mentioned the official MPG figures yet...

But why, you might ask, does the world need a hypercar to care about fuel economy? Is the significant added weight of the batteries and massively complex drivetrain something this car needs (it weighs roughly 320kg more than the V10-powered Carrera GT of 2004)? Well, you could look at it as a supercar bogged down with responsibility, or you could think of it as having your cake and eating it. Assuming you can spend a million dollars on a car and don't have many bags or passengers, you needn't buy a silly little economy car, because this one - this 800-horsepower, Nürburgring-shredding beast - is so frugal that you could use it every day and not spend more on running it than you would on something half as powerful. How can I say that without official economy figures? Because the prototype I've mentioned on here before was managing around 3 litres per 100km of fuel consumption in the most economical mode, which translates to a staggering 94.2mpg (UK, or 78.4mpg US). Of course, that figure was given with a '~', so it's not 100% accurate, but even being within 90% of that is amazing for a V8 supercar. Now do you see why it costs so much? You're paying for the future. Also, if you pay a little more (OK, €59,500 more), you can make the future look like the past:

I need say nothing more. You must surely want one now! The 918 will go on sale from 18th September, which using the American date system is 9/18. If you're still unsure about a hybrid hypercar, you're not alone. See below:

2/10/12, 14:58, 208,626 views (when posted here)

Personally, I can't wait for this car to be out and about. It's the best sign of the times I've seen yet, and may well remain so until times change again.

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TopGear Mk.II is Ten Years Old Today

For those who haven't seen the '02 series, the fat bloke in blue's not James May, he's used car guy Jason Dawe, who lasted one series.

Precisely a decade ago (well, it was precisely so at 8pm GMT), BBC2 broadcast the first episode of the newly rebooted and completely overhauled Top Gear, after the original show - which started way back in 1977 - had petered out at the end of the century. Rather than effectively being a televised magazine, the show was to feature celebrities going balls-out in a Reasonably Priced Car, around the same purpose-built, Lotus-designed airfield test track that supercars would prowl around on at the hands of tall man Jeremy Clarkson, short man Richard Hammond or mysterious and (usually) tame racing driver, The Stig. Oh, and there was another guy there, too. There would also be road tests of the cars that either matter or are surprising in some way, and some of the magazine-based consumer advice and news would stay in as well.

Fast forward to today, and TopGear is a global phenomenon with around 350 million viewers, multi-millionaire hosts and an annual world tour of their explosive live show (which starts next week in Birmingham) drawing in thousands of fans of the BBC show, or maybe even one of the two spin-offs from the colonies. There are also a lot of supporting books and some silly merchandise like a V8 pencil sharpener. Despite its almost constant political incorrectness and celebration of speed and joy behind the wheel, it has continued to be on television, entertaining and enthralling car fans of all ages, even though it has more or less stopped informing them of anything. So Happy Birthday, you mad, mad fools. The world loves you for being what no other show would dare to be. Long may you continue..........

..OK, about that last part. I'm supposed to finish a piece of writing about the tenth anniversary of my favourite show with "here's to the next ten years" or something, but I don't honestly believe that all ten of the next ten years will contain new episodes of TopGear. I'm sorry, but I don't.

I've long been planning to write about this, but I've struggled to find the right words or mood for it. Nevertheless, now's as good a time as any to say that I am one of those people who thinks the show has gone downhill. But then, it's inevitable, isn't it? Look at other shows, or even bands you've listened to for a long time. Eventually they all peak and start to come back down again. Bands I've enjoyed for the last ten years aren't putting out at the same level as before, from Red Hot Chili Peppers to Muse. It sounds like them, and I like that sound, but it isn't them at their best. That, for me, is where TopGear is too, and has been for a few years. I couldn't say for certain where their peak was, though, perhaps partly because every episode has been on Dave so many times that they all feel familiar anyway. CURSE YOU DAVE!!

Still, I first noticed it at around series 12 or 13, when the efforts to be entertaining in the usual ways at the expense of factual or strongly car-based content became more obvious. Despite them trying harder to make us laugh, I was laughing less than I remembered laughing before. There were still good bits - James in Finland, the Fiesta test (in some ways), the V8 blender, cars for 17-year-olds and the over-hour specials, for instance - but overall, particularly in the studio, it felt forced, and people accused them of writing everything the presenters said.

It was the start of that process sitcoms go through where the main characters become self-parodies. Anyone who's watched Friends will know what I mean - Joey goes from being a ladies' man who's a bit thick and likes food to being a retarded borderline sex addict who can eat anything, even books. He's not the only one either, it's all six of them, because the writers run out of ideas or ways to develop the characters, so they make them stereotypes or caricatures of themselves. Anyone who denies that the three TopGear presenters have done the same is lying to themselves. Jeremy is the fatuous shouty one, James is overly pedantic and uncool, and Richard is the rural simpleton who likes agricultural stuff (and by extension Land Rovers) and American, well, most American things. He even dresses like if the Beach Boys had joined a biker gang. In fact, as a show of how true this paragraph is, here is an article reporting that Richard Hammond was upset last year that the J's of the trio were overshadowing him and that he wanted something to be done about his character on the show. So he was "rebranded". Isn't this officially billed as a factual show about cars? Or do they not do that anymore? You do have to wonder sometimes, especially when watching them off-road mobility carriages or piss about in India...

There's something else wrong with a car show becoming a cheap entertainment show whose medium happens to be cars (and political incorrectness), and that's that some of the fans lower in quality. Now, bear with me on this one, because I may have just jumped into a shallow grave with that remark, and I must now write myself a mud ladder to climb out of it again. Now, at first, I was thrilled with the fact that it wasn't just car nerds that were watching TopGear a few years ago, because it meant I could talk to normal people about it and subsequently had something to add in conversations. It became cool (I didn't, but hey). Now, however, there are too many of these non-car folk, and I notice this in two places: TopGear.com and TG Live. Frankly the whole website has gone downhill faster than the TV show ever has. They merged two good forums into one lackluster news section, it hasn't been bug-free since they redesigned it in 2010, and the comments have become largely idiotic compared to before, which causes the more insightful people to leave for greener pastures and worsens things further, until it no longer seems worth commenting. But mind you, this doesn't grate on my inner (yeah OK, outer) nerd as much as some of the stuff you overhear at the Live show. I'd better save time for both of us and not get started on that, especially as this arguably makes me sound imperious, which I hope I'm not.

But whatever. Basically, there's too much of the mindless entertainment to draw in 12-year-olds and imbeciles, and I know that others think the same thing, as evidenced here on YouTube and a TG post on Google Plus:

I'm not saying I want it to be un-entertaining, but I want fewer of the low-IQ cheap gaffs. The caravan train video was a good idea on paper, but became hopeless and very predictable - something set fire, and then the train was destroyed at the end. The Sweeney car chase was a missed opportunity to make something really cool, because instead they just made something dumb and rubbish, being deliberately hopeless because there's a percentage of people who haven't got tired of that yet (and they're the ones going on their website and going "i luv ur show its lulz but i don't get what torks are"). Could you imagine what a TopGear car chase would be like, filmed the way they do their occasional epic, fast-paced features and using all the things we'd like to see in a good car chase? It would be so, so awesome, but instead they went for "Ambitious But Rubbish" and it was disappointing as a result. I know The Tall One does a DVD every Christmas - and I have most of them - where he gives something back to people who think like me about these things, but I want more of that in the actual show in some way. Perhaps they could make it more in line with what TopGear Magazine does, with driving adventures (a smaller version of the first few Big Specials, for instance) and big tests of the latest astonishing supercar and so on. I would love more of that and less mindless cocking about.

Jeremy Clarkson himself, indisputably "Mr. TopGear", once did an advert for Forza Motorsport 4, where he said that there is less of a hang out for petrolheads, as we're continually cracked down on by the speed police and the safety police and various other polices, and that Forza 4 is a place, a haven, where you get to be an unashamed petrolhead and it's OK to be one, where you get to indulge your 98RON blood and enjoy car fan nirvana. Well why can't TopGear be that? TopGear used to, and should still be that very place, somewhere to treat as a temple for all that is fast, and thrilling and exciting about the motoring world. I get the feeling that the presenters even want more of that to come out in the episodes, but they also have to appeal to the 12-year-olds to keep the show popular, and perhaps keep the money to fund films like the three-supercars-through-Italy piece - which I much enjoyed - rolling in.

Happily, the last two series have seen a bit of a resurgence with the some great films popping up, like the three hot hatches ending up at Monaco. This means I can hold out hope for a return to form of sorts, as they've clearly still got it in them. I've gone on at length (sorry), but really all I want is for my beloved TopGear to rediscover the recipe they one had just right. There's a balance to be struck between being entertainment and being a car show, and generally speaking, they aren't striking it often. Really, the chemistry between the presenters is such that the humour doesn't need to be forced. It'll happen on its own whenever they have to interact with each other, be it in the studio offending someone or bantering about who's brought the wrong car to a challenge. So don't strive to make something deliberately silly and funny. Make something epic instead. That's when you're at your best. Make people type "wow" instead of "lol". Often people who type LOL aren't really laughing anyway...

Oh I don't know. I guess they'll just continue for as long as they can, glad that they can still make TopGear at all, and I'll still be watching. Of course I will. TopGear is TopGear. It would have to get absolutely awful for me to actually stop watching it. Until then, perhaps rather than expecting things of a ten-year, eighteen-series old car program on television, I should just treat new TG like my old friend. Memories from the last decade will never be forgotten, and together we will continue on until the time comes once and for all to go our separate ways or otherwise say goodbye. I hope that doesn't happen soon, but it will happen within the next decade. I can't see a way for them to continue unless they take a year or two off and reinvent it again. So I won't think about it. Happy birthday, old friend. Let's shut up and eat cake.

Some Say that when you put on and blow out 10 candles, it sounds like a '90s Formula 1 car, and that consuming it all in under 1:15.1 will cause you to be beaten down with a chair leg by the Greatest Enigma...... In The World.

All we know is, Ben Collins is a jackass.
And a decade on, TopGear 2.0 is still the best show on telly. Sometimes...

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Video - Wanted for Assault and NiCd Battery

16/10/12, 2:28, 302 views (when posted)

OK, I'm aware that I haven't been posting as much of late, and that's because I've been settling in to university life (I now know where the nearest corner shop, pub and chippy are, so I'm all set). To make up for this, and partly as filler before I write other stuff I've been meaning to write, I give you a healthy dose of awesome, with a car chase that follows every car chase convention, but pulls it all off. You'll see why when you press Play.

One other thing I can write about now, which isn't quite big enough for a real post, is that I tried out for the University's Cheerleading Karting team last Thursday. To do so I had to go not to the local indoor one in Swansea (a very different and much hillier place compared to Wokingham) but to the other side of Port Talbot and the Llandow Circuit. This was outdoors. In Wales. Of course it was pouring with rain all day. Apparently there's more comment on sunny days than rainy days in Wales, as they're rarer. Nevertheless, there was racing to be done, so I put on some gardening gloves, a motorcycle helmet and a boiler suit. I'm pretty sure that's what Jenson Button wears when he goes racing too.

Despite slick tyres, cornering wasn't difficult in the cold shower karts we used. The harder part was seeing where you were going when following someone, and the hardest part was the braking, especially when you get confident and start braking late and hard. The final corner was a hairpin, which along with a three-part chicane book-ended a long back straight. You see, a go-kart doesn't have brakes, it has a brake, and it's on the rear axle, so if you slam on the left pedal, the rear wheels will stop turning, which is basically the same as pulling the handbrake up at speed. Much opposite lock was required when it got really wet! Even the experienced guys were caught out at various stages of the final hairpin, although I'm pleased to report that I only spun once, and it was in my first race. What's more, the one time after that when I wasn't stuck with the lethargic #3 kart, I came a close second behind someone who does this all the time and has his own Mercedes GP overalls (because he's rich, not because he's the next Lewis Hamilton). I'm pretty happy with that, despite not making the team, although the next round of the Uni Championship for Non-Team Folk is at the indoor circuit, so I'm planning to do a lot less losing next term...

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Stop Saying That Cars Look Like Other Cars

Of course, the Paris Motor Show is upon us, which means that many new models and concept cars have been unveiled to camera-wielding journalists and subsequently (or even prematurely) sent onwards to the internet. When that happens, everyone who sees pictures of said cars becomes a styling critic, one that can often be impossible to impress because they just sit there comparing them to all the other cars out there and deciding that any coincidence regardless of magnitude makes a car's styling "lazy" or a "rip-off". This is something that's been increasingly getting on my nerves...

Take the new Jaguar F-Type as a prime case-in-point. This is a very good-looking car. I've mentioned before that I'm not keen on all the air intakes on the front bumper, but aside from that it's got the proportions and general shape of its spiritual predecessor, the monumental E-Type, combined with some well-placed modern touches and shorter overhangs for a more taut, aggressive look. Those who have seen it in person call it a stunning car. But the internet? Well, while some are smitten with it, others would have you believe that it's basically just a Nissan 350Z Roadster that's reversed into a BMW Z8. I hate that. Why can't it just be a good-looking car?

The thing is that, in the 51 years since the E-Type Jag, car stylists have done pretty much everything. We've had tall headlights, narrow headlights, pop-up headlights, swiveling headlights, LED headlights, square ones, round ones, square ones with rounded corners, eye-shaped ones, ones shaped like a company logo or a number (the daytime running strip in the left headlight of the Audi R18 LMP is meant to look like a 1 to commemorate all the winning they've done of late), the list goes on. So when car design genius Ian Callum put vertical almost-rectangular headlights on, the chances are that it never, on any level whatsoever, occurred to him that there are six or seven cars that have already done that, with one of them being a Nissan. And who's to say that, when styling the BMW Z8, Henrik Fisker wasn't inspired by the E-Type himself? It is, after all, one of the most beautiful shapes in history, to the point where it's been on display in art museums. The narrow horizontal red tail lights on the German car are pretty similar to the ones on a Series 1. So when Callum took inspiration from the same car, it's only natural that he will also have skinny horizontal red tail lights on his car, except that they're actually bigger and more interesting than the ones on either of the other two.

My point is, it is pretty much impossible in 2012 to design a new model that doesn't in any way look like any other car.

The French have tried oh-so hard for decades. Citroën, for example, smoke their favourite thing and just go mad with shapes and lines and angles to make something truly weird and wonderful. In their history, they've actually succeeded in being unique, with cars like the DS and SM. Nowadays? There's only so much they can do. Some people even accused the utterly bonkers GTbyCITROEN made-for-Playstation concept as looking like an Audi R8 crossed with a Lamborghini. Er, isn't that what a Gallardo is? Besides, the only remote similarity is in the headlights (again), with a low-set strip of LEDs. If anything, Lamborghinis like the LP560 and the Aventador have subsequently  gained the huge air intakes in the front corners that angle upwards into the main part of the nose in the middle. But look at this from any other angle and surely it only looks like itself? What else has huge chevrons cutting into the engine cover (well, fuel cell cover), or that tail end meant to look like the "whoosh lines" a child draws on a car going really fast? Or those crazy carbon fibre snakes they call mirrors? Nope, sorry, it's just an overstyled R8, apparently. Because of the headlights. I haven't even mentioned the swooping copper-laden interior...

The mainstream market is the toughest area for this kind of thing, though. With designers getting ever more creative with the traditional body shapes - hatchback, saloon, estate - mainstream cars have suddenly become very style-heavy - compare the current Ford Fiesta with the previous one for a stark contrast. What's more, when a particular car is praised for its styling and goes on to become a big success, the rest of the market notices and tries a version of the same thing because they know that that particular thing works and will sell well. Even Citroën are guilty; notice the DS3's BMW "Mini"-style "floating roof" that doesn't appear to be connected by any pillars. Retro was a big thing for a while after the Mini and New Beetle (the latter despite just being a slightly worse Golf) became a hit at the turn of the century, although thankfully the trend's starting to die out. Still, this phenomenon happens, and it doesn't just happen in the motoring world. Reading this on your iPhone-shaped smartphone?

Unfortunately, in defence of the couch critics, there are instances where following the herd starts to take over a bit. Take this for instance, the Vauxhall Adam. Named after the founder of Opel (er, yeah, Vauxhall being twinned with Opel and having to sell something named after Adam Opel is a bit awkward for marketers), it features a short, tall, round front end like Fiat 500 or a (non-)Mini. The roof may have pillars, but they're still floating and come in a small range of their own colours, like with a DS3 or, again, the BMW Mini. The very short tail with a round-ish tailgate is reminiscent of a Mk.1 Ford Ka if you squint, and it has the big mid-mounted fog lights of a Nissan Juke. Or indeed a 500. The side creases are fine though, as they're taken from other Vauxhall/Opels.

That said, there's a difference between derivative and coincidental. Sometimes other decisions lead you to a similar conclusion on a particular element.  Nevertheless, it's hard to avoid the fact that if we look at some staple segments, a common shape starts to appear. Compare the Ford Mondeo and its rivals, for instance. But it's not design teams that are to blame, it's the air. Aerodynamics have long been known to improve a racing car's high-speed cornering ability, but a low drag coefficient also improves fuel economy (oh, and top speed, but if we're honest that's neither here nor there). Enter streamlined profiles everywhere you look, and similarly-shaped noses. In the end, all the designer can do is apply their (or the company's) styling philosophy to a shape largely pre-defined by aerodynamic research and peppered with little spoilers and things to cut drag further, such as on the new Honda Civic diesel (EU) which has little bits of plastic under the tail lights to make air leave the car more smoothly, and plastic lining the wheelarches to lessen the gap between tyre and body. Every little helps. In some cases - particularly with platform-shared or badge-engineered cars - this just means putting your own grille and lights on something, and making the grille big to establish which brand it is.

So there are many reasons why cars tend to look similar to eachother, and as for people saying that modern cars all look the same? Pre-war cars all look the same, with huge running boards and round headlights. '60s cars all look the same, with chrome on each end and the same proportions. '80s cars all look the same, with lots of straight lines everywhere. Every decade has defining styling characteristics. Just because it's not the one you grew up with and/or know all about, doesn't mean it's any different in that respect. So get over it. Unless something really is a shameless rip-off and looks like a particular car from every angle, stop looking for other cars in a new model and just look at it in isolation. Does it look good? Does it make you want it? Is it otherwise aesthetically pleasing? That's all that matters. You're not big or clever for noticing any similarities. Similarities of some sort are inevitable.

I can't moan too much about the critics themselves, because I used to do it too, but frankly it's become all-but inevitable. I think the best way I can explain it is with music. Hundreds of years ago, classical musicians could blow people's minds with all sorts of clever techniques nobody had thought of. As genres like Rock 'n' Roll and Punk appeared, people's minds were blown all over again, and so it goes on. But now, you'd be hard-pressed to blow people's minds. Every musical trick has been done. Every chord progression, modulation, guitar effect, key, instrument line-up, everything. You can only hope to write something that's not exactly like somebody else's songs, and failing that, try to put your own spin on the same four-chord progression everybody else uses. Or give up and just sample other songs for your own monetary gain. Frankly, the best anyone's been able to do in recent years is come up with new electrical sound effects, and seeing as that has lead to Skrillex existing, I'm not sure it was worth it...

So stop complaining already. It doesn't matter. If you spot a true rip-off, it was probably intentional, and by all means poke fun in that case. Otherwise, think of something else to say about a new car instead, or grab a pencil, some paper, a rubber, a ruler and a compass (coins also work if you can find the right sizes), and try to do better. I bet you can't.

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Porsche Makes A Hybrid Estate. WHY IS IT SO GOOD?!

Porsche Panamera Sport Turismo Concept

To survive in business, you have to go where the money is. Sadly, because rich people have no taste, that has lead to sports car companies (and other inhabitants of the premium market) making SUVs. Leading the charge was Porsche, which is a little strange considering how traditionalist they had been up until then. Nevertheless, the Cayenne opened the gates for BMW, Audi and soon Bentley, Lamborghini and Maserati. Thankfully, rich people who don't want to look quite that vulgar also buy four-door sports cars like the Maserati Quattroporte, and Porsche recently entered that market with the Panamera. However, there is now a "Shooting Brake" (read: swoopy estate that isn't a shooting brake) version of the Mercedes-Benz CLS, complete with an AMG version just for the hell of it. This along with the Ferrari FF provide supercar performance, executive luxury and the practicalities of an SUV (or, y'know, an estate car). Clearly Porsche has a new niche to fill, so here we have it: the Panamera Sport Turismo Concept.

Ten years ago, the idea of Porsche making a family estate would've been universally slated, especially a hybrid one, which this concept car is. However, now that a change of the times has occurred and they're allowed to make such a thing, I don't mind. Because it looks fantastic.

This is not something that a lot of people say about the current Panamera, which the designers had the difficult job of making both an executive saloon and a Porsche. The Porsche shape doesn't really lend itself to a three-box saloon, so instead it looks like a stretched, modernised 928 with five doors. I liked it when it came out - I still do - but then people everywhere started calling it ugly and horrible and I kept it to myself. Well, you know what? No more. You can disagree if you want to, and I don't think it's prettier than an AM Rapide or a Quattroporte, but I like the Panamera. Deal with it! That said, this version is much better-looking, because they've fixed the slightly awkward rear end by making it into the estate tail it always wanted to be.

As if it matters, this concept car is powered by a developed version of the "S Hybrid" system used in the Cayenne and current Panamera, utilising a 70kW (~95bhp) electric motor - double the capacity of current Porsche hybrids - and a 3.0 V6 Turbo making 333bhp. Together they make 428bhp and a 0-60 time below five seconds. Oh, and over 67mpg with just 82g/km of CO2. In all-electric mode, it can reach 81mph and has a range of 30km (18.6 miles), although probably not at the same time. Still, that would've been enough to get me from college and back without sipping a drop of petrol, leaving the tank full for fun time on a Sunday morning! And being a Porsche, it won't be too shabby on that front - while road testers have been just as divided by the looks as everyone else, they agree that its speed, handling and ability to eat up miles are commendable, perhaps even class-leading, and the interior's apparently great too. Adding family practicality and a prettier rear end to that package is no bad thing in my book.

Of course, being a concept car, there are other flashy touches too, like tiny headlights clustered together and cameras nestled in the air vent to look backwards instead of aesthetically and aerodynamically disruptive door mirrors. But such niceties are neither hither nor thither. The question is will they build it? Well, Porsche aren't very good at making concept cars that don't make it to production, I suspect because they only make concepts to test the water, and because they know their audience, they're always a success. Even the 918 Spyder is heading to production, with absurd economy figures for a V8 supercar making over 750bhp (one time when adding a hybrid system is actually a good thing). Thus, we can safely assume to see this soon.

But what's happening here? Is the automotive world really getting excited over sports car and motor racing legends Porsche making a hybrid family car? Well, there are a few mitigating factors here. One, it looks awesome, and aside from gaining door mirrors and losing the trick headlights, I don't see any reason why this shape shouldn't make production (perhaps in parallel with a facelifted Panamera using the ST Concept's nose). Two, it's not exactly going to cost the same as a Ford Mondeo, or be pitched at the same people. Three: If you look at it the other way round, we'll be getting a practical estate car (with non-hybrid versions as well) with Porsche power and expertise. The last time that happened, we got the Audi RS2, and that set a trend for super-estates that's still going strong 18 years later. Here's hoping that this time, people will be persuaded out of premium super-SUVs that never go off-road and into five-door supercars. Because that is a market we really want to see explode into popularity. Well, I do anyway, especially if it filters down into smaller and cheaper models in the same way that demand for SUVs has given us small cheap crossovers like the BMW X1, Audi Q3 and Not-A-Mini Countryman. The Subaru Impreza estate could be back with a vengeance! We could have an Audi S1 Shooting Brake! The Reliant Scimitar GTE would become wildly popular and potentially appear on Wheeler Dealers! Alas, one can only dream of such things for now...

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This Biker's Injury Is As Fake As A Chinese Watch

I know that diving is a common element of high-end football these days. Sometimes you see a Premiership player and think they could rival Tom Daley on the high board, others look like they're shooting for an Oscar by grabbing their unharmed shin and pulling faces. Most of the time a clear dive is detected by referees and a punishment is dealt, rather than the penalty kick they were going for, but sometimes they get away with it.

However, if you really think you can get away with diving in a motorcycle race, think again.

Here is Marlinton dos Reis Teixeira - or 'Kalunga' for short - falling off his bike at a race in Brazil (the equally long-named Rio Grande do Sul State Moto Grand Prix). When it became apparent that his bike wouldn't start, he took a leaf out of football's book...

(after the camera zooms back out, you can skip forwards to 2:54)

Needless to say, when he was found to be faking it, the race organisers - the local MotoRacing Federation - promptly banned him from the championship. That'll teach him.

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