NISMO and Williams Have Entered A Technology Partnership, Which Made Me Think...

"Nismo Williams" sounds like a cool name for a spy or alter ego of some kind... or a SUPERHERO type figure! Get ready, then, for The Sustainable Performance Adventures of... Nismo Williams!!

*awesome theme tune*

By day, a perfectly ordinary sodium and eel salesman...

But by night, he's a millionaire playboy street racer superhero, an Anglo-Japanese Iron Man with a four-wheeled Super Suit and a taste for danger, with the demeanor of a suited gentleman and the fighting style of a ninja warrior.

FUCK YEEEAAARRRRR.

This week on The Sustainable Performance Adventures of Nismo Williams, can out hero save a city from slow, evil Pollutotrons???

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA-OGUGHUGHUGH *cough cough* WE WILL SMOKE YOU OUT OF THE CITY, PUNY HUMANS!! THEN WE'LL TAKE ALL YOUR VALUABLES AND TABLE SALT FOR SOME REASON!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!"

The people gasp a collective gasp...

*GASP*

...Then cough a collective cough as the Pollutotrons begin executing their Evil Plan...

*ochughughughugh*

...But through the thickening, sickening black smog, the city-dwellers hear a high-revving four-cylinder engine barking a constant Note that pierces through the smokey chuntering of Pollutotrons. A pair of headlights glow in the smog, flanked by wider-set headlights further behind. The revving dies down, yet the light beams keep racing forward somehow. Then, out of the sooty cloud bursts something that looks a lot like the Nissan ZEOD RC but definitely isn't, OK, deal with it.

A missile launcher extends out from the low-drag side skirt. The missile fires forwards, then upwards in a smooth arc and into the soft underbelly of the nearest Pollutotron.

The missile EXPLODES with a burst of clean energy!!

The monstrous machine that sort of looks like a tank had sex with Howl's Moving Castle staggers and falls to the ground as the clean energy DISSOLVES it into clean air!!

Having rushed to the scene at speeds of around 300km/h on electric power but occasionally utilising a 10,000rpm 4-cylinder turbo/supercharged range extender engine to recharge on the move, Nismo Williams glides silently into the side streets as the horrified Pollutotrons begin their search for this surprise superhero sensation.

Will they find him, or can he thwart their scheming schemes? Stay Tuned and find out after these messages!!

Welcome back! Valiant energy-saving superhero Nismo Williams is going all ninja car on the evil, slow-moving, inefficient Pollutotrons. But what next?!

As he hides in the side streets, he notices a restaurant in which all the salt shakers have been stolen. His noble car (not that Noble car) whispers a faint whir as it crawls along on electric power alone. But then, a second Pollutotron smacks the skyscraper, smashing all the glass in a dramatic fashion!!

Using instant torque, Nismo Williams zips away underneath the hulking gas guzzling, er, bad thing, and FIRES ANOTHER MISSILE! Another direct hit! The massive explosion of clean energy causes a glowing white light for a few seconds, the rays of which enter his car's carbon nanotubes that cover the top surface of the body, which turn the solar energy into more electricity! This means more time without needing the engine and blowing his cover... except that the loud explosion already did that!!

"Thanks to my car's Solar Skin, I can outrun them before they pinpoint my exact loca— oh no, they're already here!!"

But no matter! With his superior speed and agility, he is able to fire his last two missiles into the last two Pollutotrons!!

"WHY OH WHY DO WE BAD GUYS ALWAYS HAVE SOFT UNDERBELLIEEEEEEEES OARGLUGHHRIOHGIOGJHRZSIORGH!"

"Better your underbellies than your brains, Pollutotrons! Or something..."

But wait! There's ONE MORE LEFT, and it's the BOSS ONE, as it turns out!!

"SO, you've defeated my warriors and intend on destroying me too, mysterious warrior!"

"If that's what it takes to stop you!!"

"Well you know what? Fuck it. I've seen enough of these to know where this is going, and I don't want to die before TOP GEAR comes back this weekend. You may have thwarted my scheming schemes, mysterious hero-like driver, but I'LL RETURN MAYBEEEE!!"

"Hm. We may or may not see about that..."

And with that, Nismo Williams glides off in his carbon-fibre stallion and drives around a corner and into an alley way. An attractive woman with slightly more cleavage than is strictly necessary tries following him, but mere seconds after he disappears from view, a man appears from the same alleyway, with two different suitcases.

"Hello madam, I see this city's short of table salt. Would you like to buy some sodium?"

*awesome theme tune kicks back in*

Next week, our hero Nismo Williams has a dangerous yet hopefully-compelling adventure in the proud but conservative city of Jalopolis. Can his escapades change the eccentric people's perception of electric power and efficient propulsion? Will his booming sodium and eel business maintain its success? Can he defeat another large-looking threat before it declares its entire plan and whacks something that then explodes? Will I remember to even write it? Would anybody even read it?? Do I look like I give a fuck???

Tune in Next Time!!!!

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2013 Le Mans 24H - Red and White... and Black

A fan's video of the crash explained in the third paragraph

The 24 Hours of Le Mans is the greatest and most prestigious endurance race in the world, with the same status in sports car racing and possibly motor racing overall, depending on who you ask (if you ask an American they'll probably say the Indy 500 holds that status, while older F1 buffs might give that title to the third in the "Triple Crown", the Monaco Grand Prix). The first race was run 90 years ago this month, but due to a world war here and a strike there, this is only the 81st running of the LM24, or Vingt-Quatre Heures du Mans, if you want to sound knowledgeable and say it in French. The 56-strong grid is essentially a grid of two halves, with two classes of purpose-built "LMP" prototypes racing alongside slower "GTE" road car-based machinery adapted for GT racing.

With three drivers per car driving for up to four hours at a time, the cars these days are now so reliable that they can aim to go flat out for the entire day-long race, providing they aren't slowed down by a Safety Car period. Alas, the appearance of what these days is a red Audi with flashing lights on the roof - or rather three of them spaced out around the lap due to the 8.48-mile length of Circuit de la Sarthe - is all but inevitable thanks to flat-out racing on an often-bumpy track that's as road-based as the GTE cars, as well as the speed difference between LMPs and GT cars that's much bigger in corners than it already is on straights.

This year, the Safety Car was called out just 10 minutes or so into the drizzle-sodden race, as on lap 3, Danish rising star Allan Simonsen ran onto the kerb exiting Tetre Rouge corner to find that his Aston Martin V8 Vantage GTE wasn't finding as much grip as he expected. As it slid around on the "greasy" track surface, he countersteered the slide. Suddenly, the tyres found grip and the car speared off to the left and into the barrier sideways. By some terrible stroke of luck, the Aston Martin struck part of the barrier that had a large tree right behind it, meaning that there was no give in the barrier at all. The car was smashed to pieces, with wheels and body panels falling off long after the initial impact, an impact so great that the rollcage-reinforced frame of the car was bent quite dramatically around the windscreen area (on the passenger's side). Simonsen was rushed to hospital during the hour-long Safety Car period, where tragically he succumbed to his injuries an hour or two later. He was 34. It was the first driver death during the famed endurance race in 27 years.

Simonsen last year

Allan Simonsen was a well-liked and talented racing driver who had raced in a variety of series with a variety of success. While his five-year run in Australian V8 Supercars from 2003-07 was dismal, he won the 2007 Australian GT Championship and the 2009 Asian Le Mans Series GT2 Class trophy. His racing career started on a high in 1999 with a Danish Formula Ford Championship win on home turf, while recently he'd scored 4th in the 2012 Aussie GTs and 12th in last year's British GT3 Championship. His best result at the race that took his life was 2nd in the GT2 class in 2010, driving a Ferrari F430. This year he was sharing an Aston Martin Vantage with fellow Danes Christoffer Nygaard and Kristian Poulsen, racing in the GTE Am class for GTE cars driven primarily by Amateur drivers, a status which I think is based on the highest level at which they've raced.

Simonsen's family requested to Aston Martin Racing that they continue racing in his memory, and they duly obliged while issuing an official press statement. With the barriers eventually repaired, the Safety Cars pulled into their respective stations and the race got underway again. Something worth noting at this point is that in the 90-year history of Le Mans, the race has never been red-flagged (stopped), even in 1955 when a Mercedes SLR was launched into the crowd killing over 80 people and injuring dozens more. Mike Hawthorne's and Jaguar's was a hollow victory that year...

Thankfully nothing quite that horrific has been allowed to happen since, and returning to 2013, Aston Martin eventually scored 3rd place in the highly competitive GTE Pro class (which features up to three Pro-level drivers per car). It was looking like they'd win the class, but not long before the end the lead car lost control in a very similar way coming out of the first chicane on the Mulsanne Straight (onto which Tetre Rouge leads) and smashed into the barriers, which then had to be repaired under yet another Safety Car period - probably the 10th or 11th one of the race - during which spectators saw the barriers being replaced and repaired using a lorry full of spare bits and a van full of men and hammers. It wasn't a modern-looking sight, but it was a sight we saw multiple times this race, which I argue isn't good enough. Granted, these are barriers for public roads that are used as a race track one week per year, but in an age of TekPro barriers at F1-grade circuits, it doesn't cast a good image on Le Mans, and possibly sports car racing in general, as for many people this is the only endurance race they watch. Plainly more needs to be done, and the tree-lined section that Simonsen hit should have tyres or TekPro put in front of the traditional metal barriers to avoid a similar incident at next year's race. Ideally though, the whole length of skinny three-high Armco should be replaced or updated to not need extensive repairs every time they're hit. The Automobile Club de l'Ouest (ACO) who organise the race have pockets plenty deep enough to sort that out...

At the sharp end of this year's race, the LMP1 class was again dominated by Audi vs Toyota, with privateers Rebellion Racing and Strakka fighting amongst themselves for best of the rest honours. The speculation was that while Audi had the faster car (an evolution of last year's R18 e-Tron quattro with a Toyota-like longer tail), Toyota with their requested three litres of extra petrol would have fuel economy and a more potent hybrid system on their side. Could they be the tortoise to Audi's hare and sneak past them towards the end with fewer pit stops? Unfortunately for those tired of Audi's dominance, no. They were actually faster than the Audis at the start of the race, due to a softer tyre compound and apparent preference for cooler conditions, with both newly-overhauled TS030 Hybrids making progress from 4th and 5th on the grid to be 2nd and 3rd before Simonsen's ultimately fatal crash ended Anthony Davidson's fight for the lead in TS030 #8. After that things evened out again, with the overtaken Audis returning to their original positions in the third hour. R18 #1 then got past R18 #2 to see cars 1, 2 and 3 in positions 1, 2 and 3. How very German. It wouldn't last, though, as the #1 Audi was forced into the garage to have a crank sensor replaced in hour 7, which required Audi Sport Team Joest mechanics to dig out much of the 3.7-litre V6 turbo diesel just to get to it. This caused the car driven by André Lotterer, Marcel Fässler and Benoit Tréluyer (which nobody can pronounce...) to fall back to 27th place, at least 13 or 14 laps behind the leader.

Later, Audi #3 piloted by Marc Gené, Oliver Jarvis and Lucas di Grassi had a puncture and lost several minutes limping back to the pit lane, which promoted the Toyotas back up to 2nd and 3rd place, but they weren't without problems themselves as car #7 (piloted by Kazuki Nakajima, Alex Wurz and Nicholas Lapierre) was seen grinding to a halt on the Mulsanne straight at one point, but it turned out that all they had to do to fix that was to turn it off and on again. Through the night, the Audi team worked frantically to get their two troubled cars back up the grid, while the Toyotas just found a groove and stuck to it, plugging in lap times and maintaining their gap from the leader as the moon and sun slowly swapped places. There were more crashes up and down the field of course, with an LMP2 car in particular hitting a concrete wall so hard that it ripped the back axle off - taking the gearbox with it - and the car set fire for a bit. The driver got out on his own, though, and was fine. As the race pressed on, hour 22 of 24 saw a downpour of rain and Toyota #7 sliding off at the Porsche Curves into the tyre wall. Lapierre got out of the car, but then changed his mind about abandoning it (drivers can only walk a certain distance from the car for help before being classified as retired) and got it going again with the help of marshals and a big tractor. This let Audi #3 past, though, making a double-decker sandwich of Audi bread and Toyota meat. This is how the top 5 of the top class finished up in the end.

LMP2 and GTE Pro were almost impossible to predict even in the final hours of the race, but with the aforementioned Aston Martin taking itself out, Porsche took the GTE Pro win with a brand new, factory-backed 991-generation 911 RSR, while OAK Racing (sponsored by Morgan) won the fiercely competitive LMP2 class. A privateer Porsche won GTE Am, which was the 100th class victory for Porsche cars at Le Mans. That's one hell of a milestone! But then, Porsche's record at Le Mans is second to none, not even Audi, although the ringed racers are getting close to their record of overall wins, which is why Porsche are preparing an LMP1 return next year with an all-new car.

Audi #2 won the race, which meant Le Mans race win number three for Scottish former F1 driver (for Toyota, no less) Allan McNish, but overshadowing that massive achievement was a record ninth overall victory for Danish driver Tom Kristensen, popularly called "Mr. Le Mans," who drove the car in the final stint to take the chequered flag. The celebrations were subdued given that there had been a driver fatality, and Kristensen, who had mentored Allan Simonsen in his early career, payed tribute to him on the podium, saying: "In a way this is the dream come true, winning the toughest and fastest race, but we lost somebody yesterday who had the same dream as well and who was absolutely humble and a nice guy, so it is mixed feelings in that sense. I am driving with my father's determination and his ambition. He died in March but he had said: I will win Le Mans with my boys this year. I hope there will be another one. Maybe we can win another one and I can dedicate it to my dad. Because this one is for Allan Simonsen." His message was echoed by all.

The podium-scoring Aston Martin drivers made their own sombre tribute at the end of the race as well, by holding up a huge flag and saying that they were all Danish that day. After Simonsen's death was announced, a flag of Denmark was flying at half mast above the iconic clock and podium hovering over the pit lane for the rest of the race.

Ultimately, this race will not be remembered fondly. The noteworthy things about it include two Safety Car records - twelve outings and around five and a half hours of total time, both the most of any LM24 - and the first driver death since 1986, or 1997 if you count Frenchman Sebastien Enjolras's pre-qualifying accident in preparation for the event, in a Peugeot-powered Welter Racing WR LM97. Positives to take from the race? Well, a ninth win for Kristensen will be significant for him, even if it is soured by the loss of a fellow countryman, and Audi will be pleased with scoring a twelfth win in fifteen years. We can all only hope that next year, everybody gets to go home on Monday.

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Formula 1 2013 - Australian Grand Prix Catch-Up

Not pictured: Vettel leading

Welcome to the first of my F1 2013 catch-up posts. I've been watching them on TV, but if you haven't been or you missed one, then fear not! A summary followed by a blow-by-blow report of each and every race this year will appear over the season. With a three-week break between an excellent Canadian GP and the good old British GP, now's as good a time as any to fill in my coverage gaps. Enjoy!

So once again, the Formula One circus rolled into the city of Melbourne, Australia for another new season of speed, controversy, bravery, strategy and crashes. With the cars mostly evolutions of last year's entries, you'd expect the results to be pretty similar, right? Well, as it turns out, no. As a qualifying session so wet it was delayed until Sunday showed, McLaren's bold switch to pullrod front suspension resulted in the same drop in competitiveness that Ferrari had when they did the same last year, which disappointed a lot of people after they'd arguably had the fastest car on the grid in 2012. What's more, the Mercedes team, who started well but were languishing in the middle of nowhere at the end of last season, surprised everyone when newly recruited Lewis Hamilton put his car third on the grid, with his best buddy and new team mate Nico Rosberg posting the fastest times of all up until Q3, at which point the usual suspects muscled their way into their party. Massa also showed that his return to form late in 2012 was set to continue by out-qualifying team mate Fernando Alonso in a much better-looking and faster Ferrari than last year.

The race itself saw much less crashing than Qualifying. Mark Webber got off to a dismal start, losing five places in one lap to find himself seventh (as it turned out this was because of an ECU glitch, for which supplier McLaren later apologised). A couple of early battles for position broke out as the two Ferraris got off to a flyer with an overtaken Hamilton keeping them in cheque, but the Super Soft tyres were proving to have a shorter life than a mayfly in a battlefield, so we saw pit stops as early as lap 4. Happily though, we didn't see Sebastian Vettel running away from the grid, as Red Bull like to set their car up for qualifying, which makes the RB9 quite tyre-hungry. Instead, it was Kimi Räikkönen's Lotus that was quicker on Sunday, as he kept the pressure on the front runners. Adrian Sutil - returning to Force India after a year off for being a naughty boy - started the race on Prime tyres, which proved advantageous as those in front of him slowly pitted in and he didn't. By lap 17 he was leading the race having started twelfth - well, eleventh, as Nico Hülkenberg had had a fuel problem before the race and Sauber decided not to race the car for safety reasons - and held onto his lead on merit until lap 21 when he was passed in the first corner(s) by Fernando Alonso, who had taken the lead in the pits, and later by Vettel and Massa (who later found that his pit strategy was wrong and rightly complained). On lap 25, Pastor Maldonado made a schoolboy error and braked for the first corner with a wheel or two on the grass. This put him in the gravel, and DRS was disabled until the marshals had removed him. Not long later, Nico Rosberg was forced to retire to the side of the road at turn 4 due to an electronics problem, a shame for the potentially high-scoring German.

Sutil returned to the lead by lap 40, after the second round of pit stops saw him cruise past the front runners again on his second set of Prime tyres. By this point, the ever-threatening rain had appeared in sector 3, but was light enough to deal with on dry-weather tyres, so nobody dived into the pits for Intermediates. Still, Sutil had only used one type of tyre thus far in the race, and the rules state that in a dry race you must use both compounds at least once. This meant that a second pit stop to use the super-soft Options was only a matter of time, something the would-be leaders (Vettel, Alonso, Räikkönen and maybe Hamilton) could keep in mind as he legitimately kept the lead of the race, even pulling away from them at one point. Alas, his reign was ended by fan favourite Kimi Räikkönen. Some way ahead of a much faster Alonso in 3rd, the Finn passed Sutil to take the race lead on lap 43, up the inside at the pair of right-handers in the final sector. Sutil's race engineer had already told him not to fight against Kimi, as they were on different strategies (yeah, get used to that sort of thing...). Unfortunately the Force India driver wouldn't stay on the podium, and after stretching his tyres out until lap 46, in which Alonso passed him in turn 3, he came in for a new set of Options, went well and then dropped right back as they started graining (when the surface ripples and creates "marbles" of rubber that flick off) and wearing out after just five laps. Hamilton and Webber passed him on lap 51 with relative ease, and in the end he held on to finish the 58-lap race in seventh place. Cue complaints from teams that the 2013 revision of Pirelli's tyres are too soft...

So the battle for the lead towards the end was between Fernando Alonso and Kimi Räikkönen. Lap 47 saw the Spanish double world champion 7.7 seconds behind Kimi and on a charge. In a situation not unlike Alonso's 2012 season, he had to keep charging without making any mistakes to beat him. Traffic and occasional drizzle played their parts, but the mistake came on lap 55, when he locked his brakes and nearly hit a Caterham in the final chicane, which opened the gap back out from 6 to around 8 seconds. Räikkönen promptly set the fastest lap of the race and kept his lead to win the opening race of the season. The podium was the 2012 World Driver's Championship top three in reverse order, proving that you can't just have the fastest car if you want to win Grands Prix, you also have to be one of the fastest drivers. Kimi is now tied with Mika Häkkinen as the most successful Finnish F1 driver in terms of wins, although Häkkinen won a second World Championship.

Lap-By-Lap

This has been typed in shorthand, so here's a quick key:

RAI - Driver's surname as displayed on the TV graphics (RAIkkonen, for instance). Always the first three letters, except for Giedo Van Der Garde.

(O -> P) = Driver changed from Option to Prime tyres (Option = softer of the two compounds, Prime = harder)
Wing+ means the pit crew increased the front wing angle during a pit stop.

T12 = Turn 12.

P1 = Position 1.

HAM 1:31.543 = Lewis Hamilton set the Fastest Lap (thus far) of 1:31.543.

DRS = Drag Reduction System (opening rear wing). Sometimes typed as "DR Sys" to avoid it looking like a driver's name.

KERS = Kinetic Energy Recovery System (on-demand temporary electronic power boost).

The Grid:
VET
WEB
HAM
MAS
ALO
ROS
RAI
GRO
DIR
BUT
HUL <-- Did Not Start (fuel issue)
SUT
VER
RIC
PER
BOT
MAL
GUT
BIA
CHI
VDG
Pic

The Tyres: O = Super Soft, P = Medium

THE RACE:

Lap 1/58: Ferraris quick off the line, WEB falls far back as usual, no crash in T1. HAM challenging Ferraris. ALO gets alongside MAS, RAI tries to pass HAM (who locks up) in T13, no overtakes, both pairs go side-by-side.

VET MAS ALO HAM RAI ROS WEB DIR BUT SUT GRO PER BOT VER MAL GUT BIA CHI VDG RIC Pic

Lap 2: RAI apparently faster than HAM. Passes around outside in T13. MAS 1:32.853

L3: VET not running away with it.

L4: BUT pits (O -> P).

L5: WEB pits (O -> P). Slow stop. So does GUT. PER passes GRO with DRS.

L7: VET pits (O->P). RAI still fast.

L8: MAS pits (O->P). Exits just behind VET. Oh, and MAL.

L9: RAI chasing ALO, who's driving hard. Chases him into the pits. Both O->P. Exit in same order. ALO's stop faster. MAL ran wide at T1, so both get past.

L10: Top three currently HAM ROS SUT. Mercs going long on Option tyres, SUT started on Primes.

L11: VET (T3) and MAS (T13) pass PER. RAI 1:31.9xx.

L12: ALO passes PER with DRS.  RAI passes PER in T11/12.

L13: HAM pits (O->P).

L14: ROS pits (O->P, Wing+). SUT takes the lead of the race. Exits in front of BUT, who challenges while being challenged by WEB. ROS starts to pull away. "Look after these tyres but keep Jenson behind you."

L16: PER pits (P->O).

L17: Leaders (VET, MAS, ALO, RAI, HAM) back in position, except that Sutil is still in P1.

L18: WEB pits (P -> P).

L19: GRO pits onto Options. SUT is starting to pull away from VET... on original tyres!

L20: ALO pits (P -> P). HAM 1:31.543.

L21: SUT pits (P -> P). VET pits (P -> P). ALO passes SUT around T1/2.

L22: MAS told to show us what he can do after complaining about pit strategy. VET chasing SUT.

L23: VET dives down the inside, passes SUT in T3. WEB passes PER in T13 for P10. MAS pit (P -> P). Exits behind SUT. Right to complain. RAI leading by some way, still quick.

L25: VET chasing ALO. SUT 1:31.334. RAIN EXPECTED in ~8mins. MAL puts two wheels on the grass, spins into gravel at T1, can't move. DRS disabled until he's removed.

L27: ROS breaks down at T3/4. Electronic problem. DRS re-enabled.

L28: MAS challenging SUT. RAI leading by 17s, going for a two-stop strategy. Rain begins to start at T13/4.

L29: MAS tries to pass SUT down outside of T3, rain has started. "Short light shower." Not enough to need Intermediates.

L31: ALO pressuring HAM, needs to pass for a shot to win. Tries outside of T11 but doesn't, gets good run out of T12, HAM locks up in T13, so ALO waits and undercuts him to pass into T14. HAM pits (P -> P). Exits in P7. Tries to go long..

L33: RIC 1:31.330. ALO 1:30.836.

L34: RAI pits (P -> P). Exits behind MAS. ALO 1:30.375.

L35: HAM says his tyres won't last until the end of the race.

L36: MAS pits (P -> P). SUT P3.

L37: VET pits (P->P). BUT and GRO pit (P->P).

L38: SUT told "do not waste time with Räikkönen". i.e. he's not racing him. RIC has a cracked exhaust.

L39: ALO pits (P->P). Rain still light and localised to S3.

L40: VET passes HAM with DRS. SUT retakes lead, but has to pit to Options at some point. MAS looks at outside of HAM in T11, overtakes around outside of T13 instead. HAM basically let him through. WEB 1:30.053.

L41: RIC retires from P10. ALO 1:29.725, much faster than RAI, who's ahead by some way.

L42: WEB pressuring DiR, passes hard around outside into T9. RAI 1:30.3xx. HAM pits (P->P).

L43: ALO 6.3s behind RAI, drops to 6s by S2. RAI passes SUT inside T13/4 for lead.

L44: ALO 4.5 seconds behind leader, sets FL of 1:29.649. Still pushing.

L45: ALO still behind SUT, 4.0s behind RAI. SUT would finish P5 if he pitted late enough. ALO right behind him. SUT getting blue-flagged unnecessarily.

L46: ALO challenges SUT into T1, but passes around outside in T3. SUT pits (P->O).

L47: CHI tries to pass VDG, VDG defends, ALO passes CHI. Traffic put him 7s behind RAI.

L48: Gap between P1&2 now 7.7s. VET 5s behind ALO.

L49: Rain, which had stopped, picks up again.

L50: Gap staying about level, SUT P5 but being chased by HAM on better tyres. VER 1:29.498.

L51: HAM challenging SUT, goes around outside in T3, wasn't enough. WEB closes in on them. HAM passes SUT in T9. WEB tries to pass in T11, but drops back and passes in T13/4 instead. SUT's tyres are going off already.

L52: DiR could chase down his team mate and take P7.

L53: Gap between RAI and ALO now 6.0s. VET falling behind.

L55: ALO nearly hits a Caterham in T15 when locking his brakes. Gap widens to ~8s.

L56: RAI sets FL of 1:29.274. Checkmate.

L57: GRO passes PER with DRS.

L58/58: Gap now 12.3 seconds. Podium is reverse of 2012 WDC top three. "I'm so pleased that the car is good." - RAI.

Top 10:           RAI ALO VET MAS HAM WEB SUT DIR BUT GRO
Out of Points:  PER VER GUT BOT PIC CHI VDG
DNF:              RIC ROS MAL
DNS:              HUL

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Formula 1 2013 - Don't Worry, I Haven't Forgotten

The start-finish line of Circuit Gilles Villeneuve, sponsored by some foreign airline.

So we've had six races now of the 2013 Formula 1 season, making us about a quarter of the way through the last season of V8-powered screamers. As we head into race seven at Canada, it's high time I posted race reports like I did last year, as I'm determined to keep F1 coverage up. University has been the dominating factor up to this point, but a week ago I did my last exam of my first year and was free to go home the following day. That meant I could move out of the house I was staying in, my feelings about which can be summarised by this little snippet from Friends (and no, I'm not Ross at the start):

So yes. But this year, I'm doing it a little differently. Rather than give you a long-winded report, I'll post a summary followed by a lap-by-lap (or occasionally highlight-by-highlight) account of each race, so you can choose your level of detail! This will hopefully save me some time later in the year when I go back for a second round of Uni, because I'll just be watching the race back, typing what happens and then bringing it all into a paragraph or two.

These will appear over the next week, including Canada. Enjoy the race on Sunday! It could be slippery...

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Pagani Forgets That It Stopped Making The Zonda, Makes New Zonda

"Where is the Zonda? Did it go missing? Maybe we should just make another one."

Do you miss the Pagani Zonda? Well, don't feel alone, because it appears Pagani misses the Pagani Zonda as well. Either that or they've forgotten about their ultimate final version of it, the 760RS. For those of you that missed it, the 760RS (the final Zonda) was a version of the Zonda R (the final Zonda) that you could use on the road. This followed the five-off Zonda Cinque Roadster, which was the final Zonda. All these have lead up to this, the Zonda Revolucion, which is, would you believe it, the final iteration of the Zonda. Maybe...

The name might seem confusing when you find out that this is more Evolucion than Revolucion, but really the R is separate. They've just put 'R' and 'evolucion' together to try and avoid revealing that this is just an evolution of the track-only ear-destroying Zonda R would-be racer, or perhaps because they use the same faulty keyboards as the people designing the Ferrari F12berlinetta. The unsilenced 6.0 race-spec AMG V12 has been fiddled with to produce 800PS (789bhp), a jump of around 50bhp, while also producing 539lb/ft of torque. In a car weighing 1070kg, that should be plenty! The 2009 Zonda R went from 0-60 in 2.7 seconds (thanks in no small part to having slick tyres) and past 220mph, so expect this version to be slightly faster.

But there's more! The aero package has been uprated and updated with a vertical stabiliser down its spine and more winglets from nose to tail than you can shake a McLaren MP4-23 at, as well as a new DR System. Activated either by a button or automatically (probably dependent on some drive mode), the system on the rear wing increases straight-line speed by shedding off downforce until you brake. It's unclear whether it uses the wide-but-skinny main rear wing or the new smaller one that's closer to the bodywork. To make sure the higher top end doesn't torture the already-massive Brembo carbon ceramic brakes, those have been evolved as well. The lifespan has been increased fourfold, while durability and fade resistance are also better and the four stoppers weigh 15% less than before. Oddly, the '09 Zonda R weighed exactly the same, so I guess DRS adds the difference back on. It could also be the added or improved computers, as the ABS had also been updated and the Revolucion has a new traction control system with twelve settings. Does it really need that many?

Just like the R, Cinque and Cinque Roadster, Pagani will only make five Revolucions, and because we're in an economic downturn and nobody's got any money left, they're selling each of them for €2,200,000 (plus taxes) and will sell them with ease to customers who almost definitely already have a Zonda or two in their collection. Said people will need their own race track, as this final final final version is not road legal, not eligible for any racing series and probably not able to meet the noise curfew of any publicly available circuit anywhere except in the desert, where there aren't any and the lack of air conditioning or the fixed windows would be a problem. But hey, it's a faster and crazier Zonda R! It still has four white snakes coming out of the rear end! It now has more power than any Pagani ever produced and 97% of cars on sale!

It is the ultimate expression of the Zonda, essentially a functioning concept car that you (well, not you, but someone) can buy. That makes it pretty damn awesome.

Pagani go to painstaking lengths to make the weave of "carbotanium" match up from panel to panel, with a 'V' shape down the middle

Of course, there's also a stripe down the middle. Previously it was the Pagani oval in Italian flag colours along the top

As you would expect, the details on this thing are stunning. Also, it appears the lower wing is the one with a DRS.

"Oh hey, I found it! Don't worry guys, no need to make another one after all." - Horacio Pagani

(images from Pagani, via Autocar)

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Aston Martin V12 Vantage S Proves Just How Wrong Jeremy Clarkson Was

Black-on-yellow look good on pretty much anything. Or maybe it's the AMV12 S that looks good in anything...

In February 2011 when I started this blog, one of the first proper things I wrote was about how Jeremy Clarkson's moist-eyed prediction of supercar dystopia at the end of series 13 of new-age TopGear in a film that centred around the Aston Martin V12 Vantage was in fact wrong, and that supercars will continue on for a long time whether he doubts it or not. Happily, as part of their centenary shenanigans, Aston Martin has gone and proven him wrong once and for all by replacing the V12 Vantage with this sexy little bee: the V12 Vantage S. At least, it seems they have...

The V12 Vantage is a bit like an all-British Shelby Cobra, which is probably why it's utterly gorgeous in every way. To make it, Aston Martin simply take their smallest car and shoehorn their biggest engine into it (well OK, they also have to improve the suspension and brakes while negating all that added weight), and because the DBS has been replaced by the AM310 Vanquish, the outgoing AMV12's time was up. But rather than let it die completely, they've decided to keep people's spirits up during the company's 100th year by dropping the Vanquish's fifth-gen, 565bhp version of the long-serving 5.9 V12 into a car originally designed in 2003 to carry a Ford-based V8. The result is a 55bhp jump over the outgoing V12, and 37lb/ft of extra torque as well, making it 457lb/ft overall. Expect it to only go a little bit faster than before. Various other upgrades and changes mean that the S weighs 15kg less as well, not a difference you're likely to notice but nonetheless a move in the right direction. It's still 1665kg, though...

The only real sad part of this is that the 6-speed manual gearbox has disappeared in favour of a 7-speed "Sportshift III" paddleshift one, although it's meant to be all new and fast and stuff. These days, it is actually possible for an extremely good paddleshift gearbox to be a legitimate replacement for what's normally the driver's choice, according to road testers, but whether that happens here remains to be seen. By only using one clutch, Aston say this gearbox is actually 25kg lighter than the old car's manual 'box, and is capable of "motorsport shift speeds", so there's hope.

As is the way these days, the AMV12 S has three-way adjustable suspension (supplied by Bilstein and also seen in the new Vanquish), with Normal, Sport and Track modes letting you fine-tune your driving experience by deciding how hard the ride is and how reactive the throttle pedal is. As an added bonus and part of a two-mode "Servotronic" steering system, Sport and Track modes have different levels of steering weight and feel, with Track adding more of it. This is the first time the Vantage model has had either feature. Also helping you out on trackdays are Brembo carbon-ceramic brakes adapted from the One-77 hypercar and Pirelli P Zero Corsa rubber, although all-weather P Zeros are now optional. Topping off the driving aids is two-stage stability control you can turn off completely. Finishing off the package is an overhauled interior that uses higher-quality materials.

But let's consider something for a moment. The end result of all these changes is a car that has a broader appeal than it did before. The manual gearbox hasn't been left available as an option, it has gone completely. The suspension dampers can now be adjusted to suit a wider range of driving styles, while multi-mode stability control caters to different driving talent levels.

In other words, the car is now less focused.

Aston Martin product development head Ian Minards said that "the fact that it was so focused meant it wasn’t for all tastes to begin with. We’ve responded to that." Why? The V12 Vantage was established as the most hardcore car in the range, the one for people who wanted the best performance car AM could make, the one for people who go out for drives early on Sunday mornings, rather than wafting around the same roads in the afternoon when it's busier. It was for exactly the people that will be disappointed with some of the changes, because it dilutes the experience a bit to please regular (and potential) AM buyers. They may claim that it's lighter, but without the new more advanced gearbox it would actually be 10kg heavier.

This is evident elsewhere in the motoring world too. Take the Renaultsport Clio 200 Cup. This will go down in motoring history as one of the greatest hot hatches ever made. No hot hatch group test was safe. In a TopGear magazine group test of 11 cars from 7 manufacturers, it toppled the Abarth 500, every VW GTI and R of the time, the 350bhp Ford Focus RS500, the 400bhp (breathe) Subaru Impreza WRX STI Cosworth CS400, and even its big brother, the faster-but-heavier Megane 250 Cup. It wasn't the best looking and it had quite a boring interior (with serious Recaro front seats), but it was the most exhilarating to drive. The 2.0 naturally-aspirated engine revved to the stars and it was almost as light and agile as its racing counterpart. It was the 997 GT3 3.8 of hot hatches.

This year it is replaced by the Clio 200 Turbo EDC. I actually remember a time when a turbocharged engine was a good thing, but apparently it isn't in some cases, like when it's replacing an exciting, high-revving naturally-aspirated one. Instead of rewarding you for pushing harder, the new 1.6 DFI turbo unit gives you all the torque in the low-mid range, and has a notably lower red-line. It's the difference between a well-written movie with subtlety to the way it delivers an engaging storyline and a Hollywood-style one that just spells it all out for you so you don't have to think as hard and have a good chance of predicting the ending.

Oh, but it gets worse, pipe smokers. Just like the AMV12 S and the new Porsche 991 GT3, the six-speed manual gearbox (as it was after revising it from the original pre-facelift 197) has been replaced with a flappy-paddle one, a DCT here. The result is more weight but faster, smoother gear changes whose balance between speed and smoothness can be fine-tuned using settings on the now much more complicated dashboard, which features a touchscreen interface called "RS Monitor". This gives you the kind of readouts you'd expect to find in a Nissan GT-R, while also letting you play a selection of engine noises through the stereo system. You can choose between the old car, which is proof straight away that the new one doesn't sound as good, or an Alpine A110, or a Renaultsport Clio V6, or even, as it happens, a Nissan GT-R. It's an utter gimmick that should be reserved for electric cars, not something that should be capable of making its own engaging engine noise. But clearly it doesn't. You also get the kind of suspension and pedal fine-tuning that Aston Martin has inserted into the V12 Vantage S above, and it's generally been designed and engineered to appeal to as many people as possible. This is understandable when you look at Renault's situation during this economic shit storm we're in. As one local example (to me), in February last year, they had to cut their UK range in half due to poor sales, killing off the Espace, Laguna, Koleos crossover, Wind (a Twingo-based roadster, for those of you that already don't remember) and the child-friendly Modus, as well as closing dealers down. When your most-celebrated model only really appeals to hardcore driving enthusiasts, it's time to broaden its appeal.

But, much as those enthusiasts feared, something has seemingly been lost in the transformation. When compared against the Peugeot 208 GTi, Ford Fiesta ST180, BMW Mini JCW and Nissan Juke NISMO, the car that would previously have swept to victory came fourth. Fourth. That's not good enough when the only direct rival the supposed class benchmark can beat is something too tall and completely devoid of steering feel (according to evo magazine). Other reviewers have either found themselves making excuses for it or admitting that it's just not as special as the car it replaces, partly because the DCT isn't good enough to make you forget about the old manual gearbox after all. The only glimmer of hope is that Renaultsport develop their cars over time, so its flaws can be ironed out in the coming years. If only they could undo the Model Bloat of the standard Clio...

Whether the same thing has happened to the new 911 GT3 remains to be seen. That would bring more widespread disappointment.

With that considered, let's return to the original point here: was/is Jeremy Clarkson's belief that supercars are soon to be consigned to the history books a load of moaning nonsense? Well, let's also go back to the V12 Vantage. That has gone from a purposeful driving machine towards being a more mainstream sports GT. Originally it was a fun little project, almost akin to the Nissan Juke R although a bit less crazy than that, which pleased people interested in cars as cars rather than as status symbols or transport boxes or whatever. The new one is less like that, a sequel that now has to justify its existence and "make a business case" for itself by adding or swapping the features that buyers in China and America are statistically more likely to want. Sure you can partly blame it on the need for car companies - which are at the end of the day businesses like any other - to survive the economic downturn and not become the next SAAB, but it's still quite a sad sight, because the changes being made to models like these will almost certainly be irreversible afterwards. Thus, while on the face of it the V12 Vantage S laughs in the face of The Tall One's predictions, when you look at some of the details and what they mean, it's not quite as clear-cut as that...

But supercars will, I maintain, still exist. We need something to bridge the gap between pioneering motorsport technology and the normal road cars it will inevitably reach. Monaco millionaires need want something to show their wealth and well-off car fans want to enjoy speed machines with more cylinders and performance than you could ever otherwise justify. So, on that front, he was indeed wrong. The Veyron has reignited the top speed arms race and major sports car companies are now making hypercars that really push towards the future with innovative hybrid systems and more advanced lightweight materials. It's called progress, and complaining about or resisting that is fruitless and irritating to read/listen to. Besides, for the time being, if it's purity and manual gearboxes you want, then call the Noble M600 and Hennessey Venom GT to the stage as two examples of hardcore high performance. Or look for your thrills in a different flavour with cars that can't afford not to be focused like the Caterham R600, Ariel Atom 3.5 or the brilliant(ly selfish) BAC Mono. If you just want to have fun then you don't even need copious amounts of money, as the Morgan 3-Wheeler and Toyobaru GT86/BRZ are here to help for £30k or less (or more if you spec up the handmade Morgan).

How long can it last? It's impossible to know, so just enjoy it while it does and if the perennial options disappoint you, keep your eyes open for more left-field choices because they are out there. If all else fails, why not just go second-hand and buy the car you really want, probably for less than you expected? In fact, buy a Clio 200 Cup or a 997 GT3 now, because their value will only go up from here. Why? Because they will be seen by many of the people who buy them as the last of a particular kind.

So, the Aston Martin V12 Vantage S proves indeed just how wrong Mr. Clarkson was in that video. Unfortunately, the answer is "not 100%"...

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